FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
De Beers and EVR1 Form "Global Strategic World Partnership Forever #1 Domination Marketing Alliance"
Berkeley, CA and Luxembourg, Luxembourg, November 20, 2013 - Recognizing the need to serve customers from every century, De Beers and EVR1 have formed a partnership to cross-market their goods. As EVR1 Co-Founder, Brandon Peele states, "Not everyone wants to be reminded that it is 2013. It's not like Civil Rights, imperialism, economic externalities, the Internet and psychology are fun subjects. So we've decided to partner with De Beers, the leader in the global diamond business, to serve customers who are more comfortable with a 19th Century understanding of the world."
"For many young couples, diamonds are a timeless romantic symbol," Brandon continues, "of a man buying a woman. For others, beginning their journey of growth and intimacy with an expensive expression of Victorian patriarchy and Dutch colonialism is an insult to a partnership of equals and the whole of Africa. Diamond engagement rings can cost as much as $200,000, the equivalent of a lifetime supply of burritos. EVR1 is partnering with De Beers to enable them to provide contemporary and inexpensive gift giving alternatives for the expression of love and goodwill towards humanity."
This is yet another business coup for De Beers, who has proudly pursued similar market expansion initiatives with Kirk Cameron (the 7th Day Genesis Tennis Bracelet), Caligula (the Sex Slave Tear Drop Pendant) and Senator Michelle Bachmann (the My Husband is Straight and This Diamond Tie Clip Proves It Tie Clip).
"Partnering with EVR1 is an unprecedented step forward for De Beers," says CEO Phillip Barton. "Never before have we thought to serve customers with a contemporary expression of love, and connection with the very essence of what it means to be human. EVR1's products, and 'The Human Story' contained therein, fills a gap in the De Beers product line, serving the 'I make an earnest attempt to understand reality' segment', often referred to as LoHaS (Lifestyles of Health and Sustainability), comprising 20% of the US and 50% of the EU markets. For too long we've excluded this market that knows that diamonds are plentiful, cheap and best utilized on the tips of saw blades and sandpaper.
"For too long we've ignored the fact that De Beers diamonds are a made up idea, founded by an egomaniacal imperialist, Cecil Rhodes, and profiteered by exploitative economic and political powers responsible for extensive slavery, death and ecocide in Sub-Saharan Africa. This is a come-to-Jesus for our industry. We realize that the world is changing and that we need the help of forward thinking partners to meet the evolving needs of the marketplace.
Mr. Barton continues, "2013 is wonderful. Humanity is majestic. The cosmos is infinite. Partners like EVR1 help us deepen our understanding of what it means to be alive in 2013 and serve customers for whom an anus is not a hat."
EVR1 (pr. ever-one) is a Berkeley, California social enterprise, a collaboration between friends, Brandon Peele, Dane Zehrung and Chad Reid. Working on EVR1 is a religious experience for its founders, as curating The Human Story (with their Academic Advisory Board), making goods and meditating on the EVR1 Symbol grounds EVR1 in present moment awareness and connects humanity to The Human Story. EVR1 was created to combine beauty, sustainability, community and The Human Story in a physical form, and give that experience to you. EVR1 was created because EVR1 cares how The Human Story is written. Behind the symbol, brand and goods are deeply held beliefs (The EVR1 Mantra, Vision and Values).
About De Beers
De Beers is a cartel of companies that dominate the diamond, diamond mining, diamond hops, diamond trading and industrial diamond manufacturing sectors. De Beers is active in every category of industrial diamond mining: open-pit, underground, large-scale alluvial, coastal and deep sea. Mining takes place in Botswana, Namibia, South Africa and Canada.
The company was founded in 1888 by Cecil Rhodes, who was financed by South African diamond magnate Alfred Beit and the London-based N M Rothschild & Sons bank. In 1927, Ernest Oppenheimer, a German immigrant to Britain who had earlier founded mining giant Anglo American plc with American financier J.P. Morgan, took over De Beers. He built and consolidated the company's global monopoly over the diamond industry until his retirement. During this time, he was involved in a number of controversies, including price fixing, antitrust behaviour and an allegation of not releasing industrial diamonds for the US war effort during World War II.
P.S. This press release is completely false.